hihi..

wow.. its been 7 mths tat i last update my blog.. apologise fot that.. since may, my laptop was spoilt.. and i hav been wanting to update my blog but my family members keep using computer, thus, cant really get to use it to update..

anyway, i'm still fine.. just that feel that i hav seem to lost contact with alot alot of my friends.. good friends...

poly and including secondary friends.. do not know what they are doing now.. so sad...

anyway, i'm still working at starhub and been working quite stable and fine.. and moreover i hav a good superior that is understanding abt my situation.. but i am tinking that i cant be working shift work for too long.. mayb going stop working at april.. but still not confirm yet..see how..

today just gone to BBDC apply for basic theory test.. i start to feel abit stress..

 

hihi.. today is my off day.. anyway, try to load some of my and my daughter's recent photos.. to update all of you...

 

  taken on 15th apr06

my sisters, tiffany and me (taken on 12 Nov 05)

 boyish tiffany.... isnt she cute???? =)

my dad and tiff

like father like daughter....

my mum and tiffany with pony tails..

 

 

today.. is a real suay day for me.. alot of disputes at work... anwyay, i have already moved out to bukit batok.. my girl still letting my in law take care.. i move out on 26th Feb.. its been almost a mth le.. so tired out.. anyway, initially i hav been letting a babysitter take care tiffany.. but too bad, tiffany cant adapt and i eventually got a hard time to fix her up.. so tired out.. anyway, still waiting for my HDB rental flat.. hope can get clementi or maybe ghim moh..

been long time din update.. last few days, did talk to seeleng.. and she still rmb to contact me.. was so glad.. still got ppl who rmb me.. anyway, lijuan and also yiru contact me too.. chih hao also.. anwyay, just to let all of you noe that i'm still fine here.. been wanting to go out with you all but now my shift work does not allow much freedom to arrange time for you all much as i got to tk care my girl... life been tough.. just keep on survivng till now.. =) hope i can get rest lor.. anyway, tired le.. good nite..

yesterday, went out with my mum and family to east coast park.. my girl is also 21 mths old le.. been enjoying the precious time with my own family.. been so long that we had a picnic together.. hope my mum can cherish what family values are... ok... go sleep le.. sweet dreams...

hihi.. its me..

firstly, wishing every of my friends a Happy Chinese New Year 2006...=)

New Yr 1st day, me go to my mum house in afternoon... in morning, i got work..then go relative house.. and cousin's house..

2nd day, my jurong house gathering for my husband's side relatives... so alot of ppl..

3rd day, i'm working till 6pm..din go out.. but my in law go out.. Recently, eat so much things..wah.. real fat lor...

really too bad, yesterday, 3rd day, Christy call me and ask me how am I.. was quite happy at least she and my few poly friends stll rmb me.. was not able to go out cos at jurong.. anyway, when new yr are over, will tell my in law abt wat happen between him and me and will move out from there..

will also let babysitter know first.. anyway, she is really some nice auntie who dun put a false front.. hope I can trust her to help me.. anyway, will go out later to visit her.. cos abt 3 mths din go see her le... anyway, hope to be able to bring my girl to go out visit and meet my friends..

me fine lor.. just busy working.. and today start my rotating shift work le.. tink very hard to meet on weekend le.. anwyay, today and tml off.. hope to cherish this time to gather with my friends...ok, got to rest le.. quite tired..

 

 

 

 

today i'm at my mum's house again.. anyway, been raining for whole day le.. recently, weather's been so cold that my girl caught a cold yesterday...

had given her medicine to drink le.. she is still sleeping or else, i wun be able to blogg. anyway, recently, i have been convert to perm in starhub since 1st Jan 06.. been doing my same job scopes till end of new year.. around beginning of feb, then have to fully be independent as a CCC le..

i have sign the paper with him le. its also given him time to cool down and tink it thru first. i tink its better.. anyway, yah, both of us hav been sad on that day.. but things still hav to come straight. i dun wish to keep hanging there while he does nothing to this family. anyway, my in law still got no idea abt this, will leak out everything after new year. cos dun wan to spoil their new yr too.. recently, so hard to communicate with my in law again.. i even hav nightmare of her yesterday.. so scary.. i dun wish to go for work so stress le and come back home still hav to face her until i'm afraid i wun be able to have fresh air to breathe.

yesterday i went to my company clinic for pre-employment chk up.. then the doctor ask me to go to my family doctor to chk up again.. i am so scared.. after the company chk up, i went straight to jurong polyclinic.. then the doctor say nothing leh..duno lor.. i was tinking am i going to die le..its was not easy for me to come to this stage where i was abt to have my own rental flat and do things independently and having my more stable job and salary, then this thing happen.. at that time, my mind was all in a whirl of duno what to do if i really contract with cancer? i hope nothing happen. i still got my girl to take care.. i still have not enjoy my life yet. i still got alot of things to do.. i hope next week, when i go chk up, i hope everything is fine for me. i got no appetite for the whole day..

anyway, just went online to his bank acc to do standing order for my thing. then i find out that he got another bank acc and is richer than me.. haiz.. see his transaction history, so scary.. can spend money almost a thousand dollar in one day... haiz.. somehow feel cheated and sad.. anyway, i wun wan to be the only one suffering.. i tink after new yr, my life will be better in financial wise.. but will be harder for me to go out as i dun have much freedom to go out le.. cos got shift work to do and also need to earn more money..

ok, i shall stop at here.. see when i will be back. to blogg again..=) tks for those who still rmb me...i feel sometimes being isolated from the society, from my groups of friends...

 

 

 

hihi.. wow.. real long since i come to blogg.. i just notice that its been two mths le.. hehe.. paiseh.. i never noe its so long until i met Edmund that time.. hmm.. tink its around 3 days ago at chinese garen mrt.. and he told me that.. tks, edmund for reminding.. heehee..

yah, recently, been busy working from day to day.. after work also come home loo after my girl.. she is 17 mths old le..was busy walking independently now.. just everything so good abt her except when comes to eating lunch or dinner, i will have headache.. hhehe.. she sometimes, just keep her mouth close when I feed her rice or porridge.. that's wat i'm afraid abt.. wasting rice and also afraid she got no energy to walk..

yah, abt myself.. recently, i just went thru my napfa test for air force.. but failed my sit and reach, inclined flexed arm and also standing broad jump.. so sian lor.. anyway, recently, my superior also ask me whether i wwan to convert perm or not.. then I agreed and they told me next yr then I would convert o perm... tink shld be ard feb..

abt my marriage, I havewaited for him for so long and he din give me a proper answer of whether to come back or to leave this family. then recently, saw him wear a ring and also a half shaped heart (handphone chain) hanging around his handphone.. was so shocked...he reacted and said he meant to give me the other half.. anyway, his reply was so sian.. that i was so lame.. haiz.. inside my heart, he just din repent at all.. anyway, also wanted to test him, and said if we were to separate, i would most likely put my girl to his care.. then guess wat? he reacted and said "din I was intending to sign on" ? i  was tinking wat has my girl got to do with sign on? and I knew that he just wan to be irresponsible abt all the things he done.. then there's one time i went for my napfa, I met my long lost primary sch friend. I chat with her awhile as she was at toa payoh stadium watching us run as she was in charge of recruiting those army ppl.. then as he is also sign on, i showed xaioping his photo, then she told me my husband is a special case.. i was so curious abt wat she meant abt special case.. then she dun really wan to tell me.. then as i probe further, she tell me that got once, my husband went to ask her to be friends with her.. i dun mind that.. but i tink he just want to woo her.. and my husband told her that he got one girlfriend on hand and now they are not on good terms.. i tink its obvious le..

Actually, from all these, I decide to file for a separaton paper, after that move out and rent a one room flst form public rental.. then let a babysitter take care of my girl.. then i will live on my own.. anyway, i'm quite angry and mind wat my in law had said.. she said that if one day, both of us got divorce, me and girl will have no reltionship to them le.. and she tell me to remember.. she sounded so serious snd harsh.. i was so angry.. if she wanted to b so cruel to us, then let it be.. i wun care anymore le..

hihi.. been real long din update blogg le.. its been around two weeks since i cum here le.. last week actually busy working at Giant IMM doing side job as promoter again.. selling Quakers Cornflakes. sales are not so much becos the place which I'm situated is not so good.. anyway, after this job ends, I begin my Starhub job on Mon, thus din hav any rest at all.. but just tolerate until today rest lor.. then come to my mum's house..

Actually, got sth which happen to me recently.. it started since around..26th Sept..I am troubled in his matter..  and I consult a colleague of mine.. then got to noe more abt him.. then he said that both of us got charisma between each other so we click and within two weeks time, we are very close.. but both of us noe each other's status.. so we still kept a small dist.. but the closer part is when two of us go Parklane KTV (K box) and sing.. only the two of us.. we also order beer.. then duno why.. i sing and sing until my tears drop.. then i hug him and cried.. i tot of my hubby again.. just couldnt help it and drop my tears.. My colleague, S.. is also so called my counsellor.. i tell him wat happen  to me and everything.. he is a really someone whom i felt so comfortable when baring out my bottom thoughts..then up till now, we are still as close.. I am actually very scared of falling in love with him.. but I find that in my bottom heart, I wun ever love someone as deep as I love him as much.. maybe I hav been hurt too deeply and cant really cure my heart..  

but I only can say S is  a very good future husband if i ever met him earlier.. cos he is sensitive to woman's feelings.. and also a very observant guy whom has alot of charm in anybody.. who always jokes and have friends around him every now and then..  

Recently, 4 ppl in my dept have left the company.. then my in law ask me to go ask if there's any vacany left for full time job.. then they did hav full time job.. and are waiting for my reply.. I have worries whether to convert or not.. then now tink better.. cos I need a stable job.. but there's one thing.. its that I will be doubly stress in this job cos  I need to be a hotline agent for all my 8.5 hours per day of work.. and my off day wun b sat and sun le.. it will be in rotating shift.. so very unpredictable.. anyway, see how lor.. i oso just tink of doing first. and see how.. yah, got to go rest.. very tired.. later she wake up and i wun hav to get any rest le..=)

On Friday, he called me and said he is stressed.. and he is very stress in alot of things.. include money.. he just got his pay and guess wat, he spend duno wat and left only 50 bucks for the month.. he is now so free.. and no independents and he spend like this. really shake my head on this.. duno wat to say to him.. just tell him not to waste more money le.. his hp bill can pay partial if he is not enuff.. but anyway, he agreed. and said he will be alright and want rest and dun disturb him.. I did comfort him as a friend.. I dun wan to be hurt again. and keep telling myself to tink rationally without using my feelings too much. anyway, during the night, I called him and ask him whther he is fine ir not.. He answered and heard him crying hard.. I can do nothing. but just to comfort him.. mayb my feelings is still there but dun wan to be hurt lor. cos I still cant accept his betrayal towards me..

On wed 15th Sept, after my OT, I was waiting for my company bus back to home at ar 8pm. I sudden gaze at the dark sky and felt something.. Wah..it was since such a long long time that I really go out at night for relax or shopping...haiz.. felt a sudden surge of lost of youth and being tied diwn lilke that and felt that its all not within my control anymore.. and I felt sad.. and wanted to call somebody.. but duno.. just tink not much ppl to consult as they are all busy.. then msg him just a simple greeting.. then when on my way inside the mrt train, he called me and ask me where to buy the soft toy Barney for Tiff.. I told him and said I can accompany him to go buy the soft toy with him as I hav not eaten my dinner yet at it was around 8.30pm le.. then I meet him at Lot 1..then I msg him to accompany me for dinner and he reply and said as a friend only.. At that time, I was also shocked that he reply this way., cos I din even tink of asking him to come back anymore..

Then when I meet him, I saw him bald.. cos he sign on army.. then I felt very awkward and uneasy cos too long din talk much le.. and sudden loss of words.. I tink its natural.. but eventually, I do the talk first and try not to make both of us so uneasy. anyway, after buying the soft toy, costing 30 plus dollars.. he bought me a shiLin Chicken chop.. and I was abit shocked cos he wun be so good unless he is asking me to do a flavour for him. but.. i din say anything.. 

then we took a cab to plaza singapura.. he is still the same.. He wants me to accompany him to PS to play arcade.. then he played two games and after that we went to a place to eat something and drink a beer. then I very blur. I tot its at Seeleng's workplace.. but I make a mistake and in the end, both of us laugh as we specially went to the Jap's eatery and giving up the seats in other's eatery. feel very embarassed le.. heheh.. from Lot 1 to going back my house, his phone keep ringing and he din wan to ans.. and he said its his boss who called.. but how can it be as his boss cant be so good to keep calling and he din even return back any calls. really bull shit of him.. to tink of this ridiculous idea.. anyway, i tink its her.. that bitch.. anyway, i told myself that its none of my business le..

buut do u noe that on our way to park mall, we hav to pass by Istana Park and noe what he did? he ask me whether I wan to hold his hands or not? I find it sudden of weird and find it funny.. but din laugh and respond and said that to him that dun ever let me hav this kind of illusion and I hate it most.. and he stopped.. and look sad..

All the way, I felt nothing much.. until inside the cab, on my way home, he send me home and he told me actually he meet me up that day becos the next day he is going to overseas training.. he seemed so real and I felt sad suddennly.. and eventually drop my tears and hug him.. Actually I noe he is lying to me.. but just duno why, I was so soft hearted when he told me a lie and said he is going overseas.. but when I went back, He did come up and see tiffany.. it was around 11 plus le.. and Tiffany still awake. tink she cant sleep cos normally, every night its me who hoax her to sleep lor.. then when she sees her dad..and so long din see le.. she still immediately wan him to carry lor.. maybe this is wat called father and daughter's affinity..telepath.. I believe in this..=) anyway, after he went back, I was troubled by watever he said and ponder alot of things again.. I was tinking if I din go meet him.. mayb I felt much more easier and relax.. and less troubled..

how silly am i,right?